Today I discovered a new way to meet attractive young men. My sister and I were helping our mom clean out the beach house we rent out and I was complaining the whole time because I didn't like cleaning up our previous renter's mess (okay, so it wasn't a lot. And he left his Bob Marley poster/photo thing so I stole it. Bob Marley is mad love. I worship him. Renter dude -- sorry, but I don't wanna give it back). I wanted ice cream from the local shop so, while mom was upstairs, I started slurring "I wan' ice cream!" like a retard while I vacuumed. (OMFG a giant beetle just attacked my window as I write this -- aaaargh! It's trying to get at me through the screen, buzzing it's wings... beetles inexplicable hate me. Same as crabs.)
Alex was laughing then her eyes suddenly grew wide. "Shash... Shash!" she whisper-hissed. "There's PEOPLE!" That only encouraged me. The door was open. I could put on a show. I didn't even stop when I noticed that the first of the people to walk buy was a hot ripped shirtless beach bod (with no head since the doorframe blocked the view). I let out a retard wail and all the sudden, the three hot guys who'd spilled out of the house next door heard the call and started retard-wailing in response.
One even jogged back and excitedly asked, "Are you guys moving in?!" I couldn't stop laughing. He must've thought I was insane. "...Or... just cleaning?"
"We're just cleaning. We rent it out," I managed. Dare I say he looked slightly let down as he nodded a "Cool" then jogged back to catch up with his friends. He probably thought I was a mentally disabled maid.
But wouldn't that have made a great story?
"Daddy, how did you meet mommy?"
"I stumbled upon her yowling like a retard while she wrestled with a vacuum cleaner."
How much do I love Bob Marley? Check out this self-obsessed self-portrait I made while I was bored (in other words, while I should've been working on my novel for my thesis...) And trust me. These semi-decent shots are as good as it gets for a retarded maid.
mackenzie's momma - :) Weren't they neat?